WED MORNING 10/28 UPDATE: NO! NO! NO!...OF COURSE THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT, AND IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND NOW I'M REALLY FUCKED UP...
So you can read this passage, from last night, as a piece of fantasy, science fiction...not reality. Only a mirage:
I know when I bust out a post like the one this morning, that WAS my most crisis post, because I am at my most desperate rope's end, a lot of people out there get nervous and concerned. I wish I didn't have to rant it on this blog, but at that moment...the post itself may be the only thing keeping me hanging in there...AND, it DOES let certain people know it's time to try and put ZD on the front burner if they were thinking of reaching out to help me get stabilized.
And unfortunately, when the blogging hits that crisis level, a couple people DO help out, and so ZD is in a room for a full week. (And more importantly than a bed, there IS wi-fi in the room!!!)
And although as soon as I announce this, anyone who was hustling to try and help me, also...will just forget about it now...I wanted to let everyone else know that YES, it was BAD this week and today and I DO have REAL, long-term issues to address and "fix" as I try and rebuild my life out of the wreckage of the past three and a half years...AND IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN IN A WEEK...BUT, getting into this room IMMEDIATELY takes me out of the crisis zone, and hopefully, I will be able to sleep a lot and really catch up on sleep...not take a vacation, but TRY and start doing some things to get back to life.
But I haven't been able to do ANYTHING while on the street, 24/7...and it's about MUCH MORE than just the lack of sleep; but all the energy you spend and absorb being on the street all the time.
I STILL NEED PEOPLE TO HELP ME GET AROUND TO SOME PLACES AND TRY TO GET SOME THINGS DONE, and my life ain't gonna magically "pop back" to pre-city hall era days in a week.
BUT I HAVE ALWAYS MAINTAINED I NEEDED A SINGLE ROOM WITH A BED, AND ALL THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I GOT...so hopefully some good things can happen this week, now.
My BIG concern is that I have aged 35 years in 3 and a half years. (To me, that feels like a fair estimation.) And I WONDER if a week's worth of somewhat regular sleep (or even a month's worth) is enough to bring me back. Or if I am permanently "disabled" because I DEFINITELY am, in THIS society. I know it's pathetic. People look at what I do in ONE area, and assume I am just as capable in other areas. I KEEP SAYING...JUST BECAUSE I AM THE MOST AMAZING THING MANY PEOPLE HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY AREA OF CREATIVE ARTS AND STRATEGY DOESN'T MEAN I CAN DO THE BASIC THINGS EVERYONE ELSE DOES WITH DAILY EASE.
AND A BIG CONCERN FOR ME AND SOMETHING THAT IS STRESSING ME OUT, IS MY ELEVATED LEVEL OF NECK AND BACK PAIN. I NEED A SERIOUS CHIROPRACTOR...PROBABLY A LOT MORE THAN THAT. I'M SURE NOT THINKING ABOUT CITY BUSINESS ROUND THE CLOCK ANYMORE, BUT IF I AM GOING TO BE ABLE TO RETURN TO FULL MOVEMENT AND EVER GET OUT OF CONSTANT CHRONIC PAIN.
So maybe with this room, I can try to get back to just regular degenerate bum Zuma Dogg that at least is living a life, instead of face down in the gutter and not able to pull myself off the sidewalk Zuma Dogg. I'm telling you...one week, under these "on foot" conditions (no transpo) ain't gonna be easy, but at least the worst thing that will happen is that I waste a week just walking around the area and blogging and recreating myself and not doing anything proactive.
If this week is nothing more than a week's break out of the fire, back into the frying pan, that'll be good enough. MEANWHILE, if you have any ideas or calls to make, don't stop now just because I'm off the street for a week. I still have to "fix" my life without a budget. So again, at least I have a room for a week, which is EVERYTHING right now. EVERYTHING!
(Thanks to the person OUTSIDE City of L.A. who made it happen. For all the activism, ONCE AGAIN...someone from OUTSIDE the city. Thanks.)
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